


Ride or Die

by lizwontcry



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, Manipulation, Mutual Manipulation, Walter White Being an Asshole, post-Madrigal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:46:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24608653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizwontcry/pseuds/lizwontcry
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Jesse is not actually a complete idiot. He may be naive, he may put his trust in the wrong people, but goddammit, he's loyal. He does, for the most part, understand Mike's disgust with Jesse's ride-or-die partnership with Walt. Yeah, he gets it--It's weird. After all they've been through together, it hardly makes sense. Sometimes Jesse questions why he'd risk his own life for Walter White, but he just knows that he would--he wouldn't even think twice. Maybe it's the only thing left he has to hold on to, this... thing with Mr. White, and if so, he's going to stay on this ride and cling to it as hard as he can.Takes place during "Madrigal," 5x2.
Relationships: Jesse Pinkman/Walter White
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55





	Ride or Die

"You and I working together, having each other's back--it's what saved our lives. I want you to think about that as we go forward."

"Go forward where?" Jesse turns around and asks, tears subsiding, curiosity piquing.

Walt doesn't stop kneading Jesse's shoulders. Jesse likes the pressure; he likes the attention, he likes the affection. For Walt to offer his help and to spend almost the entire day searching Jesse's house for the ricin cigarette, it means a lot to Jesse. He's relieved that they found it; he's ashamed and kind of embarrassed that he nearly killed Mr. White for something he didn't do-- _couldn't have done_. Of course Walt didn't poison Brock. Walt has done some hideous shit since Jesse has known him, but poisoning a kid wasn't something he was capable of, Jesse was pretty sure about that. Gus, now that was someone who could kill a child with no remorse. Thank goodness they don't have to worry about him anymore.

"Well... I'd like to keep cooking," Walter says slowly.

"What?! Are you out of your goddamn mind?!" Jesse asks, completely fucking bewildered. "Haven't you had enough yet?"

Walt shakes his head sadly. "As I said, I'm broke. I actually need the money. If you'll just hear me out... we can talk to Mike, ask him to be a third partner. He has connections we don't.  
Obviously he doesn't care for me, but he might do it if you're involved. It just depends on how badly he needs the work."

"I don't know, Mr. White..."

"Trust me, Jesse. We've come this far, haven't we? We can be in charge now. We control the product, the distribution, all of it. The two of us, and Mike? We'd be unstoppable. Think about it."

Jesse was actually sort of hoping that they were done with this--he'd love to go straight and be done with the drug thing for a while, if not forever--but Walt continues to rub his shoulders and it feels nice, and his voice has this weird hypnotic quality going on, and Jesse just knows that when it comes down to it, he's going to do whatever Walt asks of him. As usual.

Contrary to popular belief, Jesse is not actually a complete idiot. He may be naive, he may put his trust in the wrong people, but goddammit, he's loyal. He does, for the most part, understand Mike's disgust with Jesse's ride-or-die partnership with Walt. Yeah, he gets it--It's weird. After all they've been through together, it hardly makes sense. Sometimes Jesse questions why he'd risk his own life for Walter White, but he just knows that he would--he wouldn't even think twice. Maybe it's the only thing left he has to hold on to, this... thing with Mr. White, and if so, he's going to stay on this ride and cling to it as hard as he can.

"Okay... let's do it," Jesse whispers. Walt pats him on the shoulder, letting his hand linger there for a moment.

"Good. I'll come by tomorrow morning and we'll pay him a visit. I'm sure he'll see the logic in our proposal."

Jesse somehow doubts that, but it couldn't hurt to try, he supposes.

Walt finally takes his hand off of Jesse's shoulder and gets up to leave. Jesse can't bear the thought of being alone now, though. Not just alone, but like… without Mr. White. It’s a weakness, he supposes. But after coming face to face with the fact that he almost killed his friend, his mentor, his... whatever the fuck Mr. White has become to him over this year, he doesn't want to see him walk out that door. God, he can't believe that barely a year ago, he only thought of Walt as his dickhead chemistry teacher who failed him in class.

"Hey, um, Mr. White... can you..."

Walt has made it to the front door, but he turns around to look at Jesse, who is still sitting on the floor.

"What, Jesse? You can ask me anything..."

Look, again, Jesse knows what a true bastard Mr. White can be. He knows he manipulates and lies and will do just about anything to get what he wants. But somehow, Jesse believes him when he's like this. When he's soft and manageable, when he addresses Jesse like his equal instead of his fuck-up failure meth-head partner. Jesse falls for it every time, and he's not naive to it. But maybe he is, because he _needs_ this. He needs it, and he doesn't want to (and can't seem to) deny himself of it.

"Can you... can you stay for tonight? I mean, unless you have to get home or whatever."

Jesse isn't looking at him. He doesn't want to see the thought process in Walt's mind. He's probably considering all the ways he can use this situation to his advantage. Which, in Jesse's head, that's... okay. Because he has his own advantages here. He can get what he wants, too.

Mr. White seems to be hesitating, though. So Jesse offers him an out, because he can’t bear the thought that Mr. White thinks he’s being weird or whatever.

“Never mind… I’m fine. It’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it, man. Thanks for coming over…”

“No, it’s not that…”

Jesse waits for him to make up his damn mind, his heart racing and his nerves exploding. 

"I mean, yes. I’ll stay, Jesse. Sure, of--of course. You've had a rough day. Now... how about that beer?"

Jesse exhales, and nods. Thank goodness. 

He gets them both a beer and they sit back on the couch together, watching some old ass Alfred Hitchcock movie on cable. They don't talk much, but… they both keep inching closer and closer together. It’s like some kind of force is pulling them to each other. Jesse, now feeling vulnerable and sad and intrigued and a million other things, puts his head on Walt's shoulder, testing it out, seeing what he would do. To his surprise, Mr. White responds by putting his hand on Jesse's leg. They stay like this for a good hour, until the movie ends. Walt sort of lightly massages his leg, lightly gripping his thigh, moving his fingers back and forth. Jesse finds it remarkably comforting. God, he has issues. He could have just called Andrea (if she's even still speaking to him) or, like, any other girl who has ever smiled at his boyish charms. It's not like it would be hard to get a girl to come over. But... he doesn't want that. He wants this. This fucked up dynamic that he has with his partner. That's what he's addicted to now. He's just replaced one drug with another. His group leader would be so disappointed in him.

When the movie's over, Jesse turns off the TV and glances over at Walt. He's expecting him to be yawning or half-asleep or something, but Walt appears to be wide awake. And he's looking at Jesse in a way that makes him very nervous, and only somewhat in a good way.

Jesse's a little buzzed from the beer, he's still on the precipice of another emotional breakdown, and he's so fucking lonely he can't physically stand it. He needs a release--release that Andrea or any other girl can’t give him, because they don’t know him like Mr. White does. Mr. White knows everything about him. Literally. Everything. Jesse finds himself craving a very specific kind of attention from Walt. This takes him by surprise and slightly disgusts him also, but... it's literally the only thing he wants; it's literally the only thing he needs. 

He also figures it's probably only going to happen if Walt thinks it's his idea first.

"Well... I'm gonna go brush my teeth. Help yourself to another beer or whatever. You can sleep here or..." Jesse shrugs, like he doesn't know where else in his house Walt would sleep and doesn't care. He hopes this isn't too transparent; obviously he's the one who asked Walt to stay, after all.

Walt nods, and Jesse can almost literally see the wheels turning in his head. Jesse goes upstairs and actually does brush his teeth, his hand slightly shaking the whole time from nerves and possible excitement. He takes his shirt and pants off and heads to his bedroom in his boxers. Mr. White isn’t waiting for him there--for some reason, Jesse expected him to be. 

Disappointed, he sighs and gets in bed. After messing with his phone for a minute, he turns off the light and closes his eyes. Although he's exhausted, he doubts he's going to sleep any time soon. Crushing sadness will do that to a person.

That's when Walt comes into the bedroom.

"Oh... hey," Jesse says softly.

"Do you mind if... the couch isn't very comfortable," Walt asks. His voice… it’s, like, softer or something. Soothing. As if he’s addressing his wife instead of his meth-cooking partner and former student.

"Yeah, sure, man." Jesse says, trying to sound cool and collected.

Walt walks to the dresser and takes off his watch and his glasses, then off goes the shirt and pants and suddenly the infamous tighty whities make an appearance. Jesse has seen Walt strip down maybe a hundred times by now, but this time he has a completely different reaction in the pit of his stomach.

Jesse’s bed is plenty big enough for him, but it’s a little small for two people. As soon as Walt gets into it and under the covers, he and Jesse are back to back, their warm bodies radiating heat together instantly. Jesse is pretty sure that even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to stop this from happening. There’s no turning back now.

*****

For a long time now, one of the things Walt has had the most confidence in, even when everything else is turning to shit, is Jesse’s loyalty to him. Jesse’s steadfast faith in his former chemistry teacher can be overwhelming, but Walt depends on it. He thrives on it. It’s not like he can find this kind of warmth at home--Skyler barely even looks at him anymore and Junior is going through his teenage angst phase in style lately. Holly’s just a baby but he’s convinced she’ll probably turn on him once she learns how to talk.

As Walt gets in bed with Jesse, he doesn’t know what exactly is going on, but he has somewhat of an idea. He understands that Jesse needs comfort now. He can’t help but feel like a real asshole about the whole manipulation that has just happened here. It’s all for Jesse’s own good, Walt reasons with himself. Sometimes he just needs to keep Jesse on the right path, because left to his own devices, Jesse will swerve all over the place. Still. Walt feels some remorse, and if Jesse wants him to stay, he’s going to stay. He owes him that much.

But the look in Jesse’s eyes when he asked him to stay seemed to be saying something else completely. And when he kept inching toward Walt during the movie, perhaps yearning to feel that closeness he’s been lacking, Walt became intrigued by what this young man could possibly want from him. 

Before he can really think too much about it, when Jesse gets up to “brush his teeth,” Walt makes a decision. Correction--his huge fucking erection makes a decision for him. He tries to take a few deep breaths and get himself together before following Jesse to his bedroom. Why does the thought of getting in bed with Jesse turn him on so thoroughly and completely? He’s a scientist; he needs to be logical about this. Jesse just needs someone stable to help him get through the night.

Or… maybe Jesse doesn’t even know what he wants. Maybe he needs some guidance. Jesse has always needed a little guidance.

They are back to back now in bed, skin to skin. Walt thinks he can sense just a tiny bit of shivering from Jesse, which… god forbid, turns him on even more. 

“Jesse? Are you feeling okay?” Walt asks, just because someone has to talk and that’s the only thing he can think to ask.

“Yeah… I think so. Why?”

“Well… because you usually don’t ask me to spend the night with you,” Walt says carefully. He doesn’t want to scare Jesse away, but he is genuinely curious.

“Oh, yeah… I just, I’m sorry, you know?” Jesse’s voice is small and shaky. He sounds so vulnerable. Walt can’t figure out if he wants to comfort him or hurt him, just to make him feel…  
something else. Perhaps both. “I still can’t believe I was so close to killing you, Mr. White. I’m sorry.”

Walt turns around so that Jesse’s back is now to Walt’s chest. He may be imagining it, but he swears he hears Jesse gasp a little from the change in position. 

Because he’s not sure what to do next--he wants to do so many things, but patience is a virtue--Walt grabs Jesse’s hand and squeezes it. Jesse squeezes back. 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Jesse. I understand why you thought it was me. It was what Gus wanted. But we took care of him. It’s just us now. It’s you and me, us against the world. How does that sound?”

“It… it sounds good, Mr. White,” Jesse whispers. 

"I think so, too," Walt says. He puts his hand on Jesse's thigh, feeling the reaction Jesse has to it, which is to shiver a bit more and let out a tiny little gasp, which causes a stir in Walt's stomach. They lay like this for a few minutes, breathing together, living in this confusing but intriguing moment. 

Jesse reaches back and puts his own hand on Walt's thigh, returning the gesture. Just one of his fingers slightly brushes Walt's cock, which... is too much. It's just. Too much.

Walt can’t hold back anymore… he touches Jesse’s chest, running his hand up and down his stomach, back to his nipples, where he strokes one and then another, causing Jesse to twitch in a way that makes Walt absolutely crazy. It hasn’t been like this with Skyler in so long. He needs this now. He needs Jesse.

“What… “ Jesse gasps.

“Shh,” Walt says. “It’s just us. You and me.”

This seems to be good enough for Jesse, as he turns around and basically attacks Walt’s mouth with desperate kisses. Walt hungrily kisses him back, softly at first, but giving in to Jesse’s desperation and biting his lip, and then sucking his tongue, which only encourages Jesse more. Walt feels Jesse’s hard-on against his leg. It’s too much, and too little. Jesse's lips are like... Walt wouldn't be able to describe the feeling of Jesse's mouth on his. He hasn't felt like this before. He wants to protect Jesse forever, while also destroying him somehow. It's not a great feeling? But he surrenders to it anyway.

He lets the kissing continue for a minute, but then he forcefully stops Jesse, who seems disappointed.

“Turn around,” Walt says, hoping to sound authoritative. Jesse, as usual, does as he’s told. “Good. Relax. Let me make you feel good.”

“But…”

“No.” Walt simply says, and Jesse turns quiet, except for his labored breathing, which only somehow makes Walt harder than he already was. What the hell?

Walt again runs his hand down Jesse’s stomach, caressing nipples, while licking and sucking his neck, his earlobe, his neck again. Jesse moans and writhes against him. Walt had no idea that Jesse’s slender frame moving this way against his own body would be exactly what Walt always needed, but maybe he should have known. 

When he can’t take the suspense any longer, Walt removes Jesse’s boxers. Jesse instantly backs into Walt, and the feeling of his bare ass against Walt’s erection is nearly too much to handle. He has to pace himself, he thinks. Or this will be over way too soon.

Walt reaches over to find Jesse’s erect cock, and almost gasps himself when he has it in his hand. It’s warm, it’s throbbing, it’s so very hard. Walt strokes Jesse a few times, and Jesse groans in a voice Walter has never heard before, but knows he wants to hear again, over and over. 

“Mr. White… I don’t know if this…”

“Say my name again,” Walt demands, stroking him slower than before, drawing it out in the most excruciating way possible.

“Mr. White,” Jesse gasps. “Please… I don’t…”

“Shhh. You do, you want this, don’t you?”

“I don’t know… Mr. White.”

“Your cock seems to be saying something different, Jesse. My Jesse,” he says, increasing the stroking, biting his neck, brushing his nipple with his free hand. Walt just wishes he could see Jesse’s face right now. He bets it’s truly magnificent.

Walt remembers what he found in Jesse’s bedside drawer when he was searching the house for the ricin cigarette. He stops touching Jesse for a second while he turns over and opens the drawer. Jesse seems to know what’s happening, but he doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t protest. Walt senses Jesse’s not exactly ready for this, but… Walt needs this. He hopes Jesse gets it.

“Now, Jesse… just relax. It may hurt for a second, but I promise it will feel good if you let it. Do you understand?”

Jesse doesn’t answer him.

“Come on, Jesse… do you understand?”

“Yes… Mr. White,” Jesse finally breathes. 

“Good. It’s me and you. Just us. Together, against the world,” Walt says, and he puts the lube on his finger.

*****

Jesse closes his eyes as Mr. White inserts a finger inside of him. He gasps as the pressure enters his body, which only seems to turn on Mr. White even more. It hurts, yeah, but like… it’s also satisfying to feel the fullness inside of him. He wonders if this is what just one finger feels like...

“Good, Jesse. It’s just us. Just the two of us.” He works his finger slowly inside of Jesse, and Jesse starts to relax as it feels better with every motion. The deeper Mr. White goes, the more Jesse moans. Without warning, Walt sticks two fingers inside of him, which, god, it fucking hurts again. It huts and it's amazing and it's painful and it's consuming. But part of Jesse doesn’t want Walt to have the satisfaction of knowing it feels good, so he bites his lip to not moan. 

Mr. White continues to work his fingers inside of Jesse, experimenting with the pace and the rhythm. Jesse can't help but moan in certain positions, which he knows Mr. White notices. 

Walt pulls his fingers out, and then takes off his underwear. Jesse knows what’s next. It’s what he wants. Maybe he’s wanted it for a long time. As Walt says, “Relax, Jesse. It’s you and me, against the world,” and he fully enters Jesse, and not all that carefully, either… Jesse cries out in pleasure and pain. He is absolutely sure Mr. White thinks he’s crying out in pain, which seems to spur him on. It would--that sick bastard. Sure enough, Walt grabs both Jesse’s hands and holds his wrists forcefully with one hand. He thrusts deeper and deeper into Jesse, until it starts to feel like Jesse is entering another dimension. It’s almost like the first time he did heroin with Jane. It’s amazing, and it’s terrible. But it’s what he wants--it’s what he thinks he wants. 

Still holding on to Jesse’s wrists with one hand, Walter grabs Jesse’s cock and strokes it, hard. The sensation of Mr. White inside of him while jacking him off is like some kind of weird sexual explosion. Like the Fourth of July on steroids. It doesn’t take long for Jesse to come all over his stomach, and it’s just fucking mind-blowing. He’s never felt like this before, and he’s not so sure that’s a good thing, actually. It's not all good, and it's not all bad. 

But it’s what he wanted.

Walt thrusts a few more times, as hard and as deep as possible, and then comes all over Jesse’s back. Jesse isn’t sure if the feeling of Walt’s liquid all over him is a turn-on or a turn-off. It  
doesn’t matter now.

Walt does them both the courtesy of getting up and running a towel under some cold water in the bathroom, and then comes back and cleans Jesse off. Jesse looks at Walt’s face while he does this. It’s unreadable, as usual.

“Mr. White…” Jesse says, not sure what he even wants to say to this man now.

“It’s okay, Jesse. We don’t have to talk about it now. Let's get some sleep.”

Jesse is relieved to hear him say this. They turn back to back, and soon, Jesse hears Walt snoring softly. Although Jesse basically orchestrated the whole thing, he’s still disgusted by the fact that Walt was so enthusiastic about something he wasn’t sure Jesse wanted. It doesn’t surprise him, really. But it does make him kind of sad.

*****

When Jesse wakes up in the morning, Walt has already taken a shower and gotten dressed. Jesse does the same while Walt drinks coffee and watches the news. They don’t talk; they literally don’t say a word until they’ve gotten to Mike’s house and try to convince him to join their team.

They never talk about it again.

It’s what Jesse wanted.

*****

This is the memory that haunts Jesse the most during the freezing cold, bitterly windy nights in Alaska. The fact that he _let_ Walter manipulate him into thinking that the poisoning Brock thing was just a “misunderstanding”--he can’t get over that he was so naive; that he wanted Mr. White’s approval and closeness and intimacy so badly that he just… believed him. And then, shortly after that, Walter waltzed right into his head again and Jesse ended a perfectly solid relationship with Andrea--the best relationship he ever had, and he fucked it because Walt said he trusted him to do the right thing.

Mr. White let Jane die before his eyes. He poisoned Brock. He led the Nazis to Andrea’s door. He killed Mike. He ordered a hit on Jesse. He wanted to kill Jesse himself before he realized the Nazis had taken him hostage. Walter White was a truly evil son of a bitch. 

He shouldn’t have confessed to Hank; he should have found a way to kill Walter White himself. Often, he’d fantasize that he went through with it the night he stormed over to Walt’s house, intending to shoot him in the head. But it’s complicated, isn’t it? Because when he did have the chance, when Walt actually provided him the gun to do it himself, he walked away. Jesse forgave Walt for everything, just because Walt had a change of heart at the very end of his worthless life. Jesse’s not happy about it, nor is he ashamed. He can’t seem to pinpoint any particular emotion about it. It is what it is.

When Jesse isn’t feeling so… _stupid_ about the whole thing, when he’s in a better mood and he can see things how they were instead of how he wanted them to be, or how Walter manipulated the experience to appear… Jesse understands it wasn’t that he was so naive or gullible. He clung to the good in Mr. White--the teacher, the father figure, the partner, the mentor--and he put his trust completely in that desire. It was practically inevitable that it all played out the way it did, but that’s not on Jesse, he thinks.

And the night they shared together, well, he got what he wanted from Walter, and he assumes Walter felt the same way. They never spoke about it or even acknowledged it again. The build up to the passion they both experienced had been brewing for months; Jesse realized that Walt thought Jesse “belonged” to him, and if he couldn’t have him, no one else could. He didn’t look at Mr. White while they cooked meth in some stranger’s house and wonder what it would be like to stop, take his respirator off and kiss him deeply. It wasn’t like that. What happened that night eased the strange tension between them, and it ceased to exist the second it was over. It helped that soon enough, everything went to complete shit anyway.

*****

In Alaska, Jesse is free. He doesn’t know what the future will bring--he’s lucky he even _has_ a future at this point. For now, he’s satisfied with staying in the small house he rented, building fires and reading books he should have read in high school until late into the night. Sometimes he makes it into town and picks up some supplies to start on some woodworking projects. And sometimes he just closes his eyes and thanks whoever is listening that he escaped from his old life.

It’s what Jesse wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> 16 years of fandom and this is my first smutty slash fic... what can I say, these two and their fucked up relationship, am I right? Anyway, apologies if I didn't get the dynamics right, thank you for reading!


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